I'm a 40-year-old man and my girlfriend's 16-year-old niece has a crush on me. That's not necessarily a problem; the problem is I have a crush on her too, and we're both perfectly aware of our feelings. We see each other often, and she stays over with us regularly. Though we've never acted upon our mutual crush, we'll steal glances and smiles, and take every opportunity to sit closely and hold hands. This can be for 30 seconds while everyone's out of the room, or for hours at a time, usually after my girlfriend has gone to bed.

To be clear, any relationship between us would be perfectly legal in our jurisdiction, and though I genuinely worried about this, I'm sure I'm not attracted to her because I'm a pedophile or even an hebephile. At six foot, she's as tall as me, and has the body of a 20-year-old. She's funny and sarcastic, intelligent, and wise beyond her years. I feel like we have a genuine connection; we've told each other things about ourselves no one else knows.

All this to say, I know if we acted on our feelings it would be a moral failure on my part, not hers, and ruinous to both our families. But the more we see each other the more I find myself internally justifying it anyway (even referring myself back to your Campsite Rule). I fear that one day I'll make that move and she'll respond, and I'll have crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed.

The only solution I can see would be to break ties, or at least stop her from staying with us. But I'm not only at war with my own feelings (I couldn't bear to see her less often that I already do), any move to do so would look suspicious, as her stays with us are normalized. We're due to go on holiday together later this year, and I'm both looking forward to that and dreading it in equal measure.

Staying Strong For Now

Do not fuck this girl, SSFN. You've already crossed several lines—holding this girl's hand for hours after your girlfriend has gone to bed was a big one—and you've gotta pull back before you cross the rubicon.

Another line you crossed: citing my Campsite Rule along with this girl's height and sense of humor in order to justify sticking your dick in her. The Campsite Rule, which I'm always tweaking, goes like this...

The older and/or more experienced partner in a sexual relationship with a large age and/or experience gap is obligated to leave their much younger and/or much less experienced partner in better shape than they found them. The relationship should a positive experience sexually and emotionally. But at a minimum there should be no sexually transmitted infections, no fertilized eggs, no unnecessary drama, and no unnecessary trauma. We should all endeavor to leave our sex partners in better shape than we found them, of course, but older and/or more experienced partners have a special obligation.

You can tell yourself you'll go into this—you'll go into her—with the best intentions and that you'll strive to leave her in better shape than you found her, SSFN. But when the odds of a deeply traumatic outcome are high—as high as they are here—initiating a sexual relationship is itself a violation of the Campsite Rule.

The chances that you'll leave her in much worse shape than you found her are simply too great. Because she's not just some young person who happens to be into you. As you're aware. She's your longterm girlfriend's fucking niece. So if you start fucking each other and get caught—and you will get caught—there's going to be hell to pay. But the worst you'll suffer is a bad breakup. Your girlfriend will throw your ass out and her family will see you as a predator regardless of your local age of consent laws. And that'll suck for you for a month or two, SSFN, but you're gonna be able to skate away from the mess your dick made.

Your girlfriend's niece won't be so lucky.

Her whole family is gonna get dragged into this and while most will blame you, SSFN, some will blame her. And long after you've moved out and moved on, SSFN, that poor girl—the fever of her crush long-since passed—is still gonna be a part of that family. She won't be able to skate away from her aunt's anger or pain as easily as you could. And if her extended family fractures over this, her relationships with her relatives—people she needs to rely on—could be irreparably damaged. She could wind up being ostracized, bullied, and slut-shamed by her relatives for the rest of her life.

And you? You'll be off somewhere with a new girlfriend—hopefully one with no attractive teenage nieces.

Stop, SSFN. Stop with the glances, stop with hand holding, stop with the sitting next to this girl for hours on the couch after your girlfriend goes to bed, stop telling yourself you haven't already made moves, and stop referring back to my Campsite Rule. And stop telling yourself you can't pull away from this girl because that "would look suspicious." How do you think it looks when you're sitting on the couch at 1 AM holding the hand of your girlfriend's sixteen-year-old niece? If you're willing to risk the suspicions that would arouse if your girlfriend were to walk in, SSFN, you can risk whatever suspicions ending her overnight visits and cancelling your holiday plans might arouse.