That is one really powerful letter.

I can't believe how emotionally invested I now am in the relationship between Lee and his father.

I hope everything works out for Lee — and I hope he writes back to let us know.

That made me cry. For real. I hope it works out and please do let us know.

That's a really good way to handle things. I hope Lee's dad sees how awesome his son is and decides to go for it.

What a beautiful letter. Please, Lee, if you’re reading, let us know what happens!

Old man, do it! Come around! Choose love!!!

Chopping onions around here. Good luck however it goes, Lee.

Crying . Beautiful, Lee, beautiful.

That's really awesome.

I know the catholic guilt side of you doesn't like compliments or accolades Dan, but seriously, you really do have a great positive impact on a lot of people's lives. Thanks for doing what you do.

DAN: I second the motion by @3. Please encourage "Lee from Australia" to write again after his birthday next year. Tell him that a lot of people are hoping for a positive outcome.

That was the best letter I've read in a long time.

Wishing Lee all the best! What a great letter, what a wonderful guy - and so are you, Dan! Like everybody else here, I hope Lee will let us know. Keeping my fingers crossed...

What if the dad dies in the next year? We'll never know the end of the story. Here's hoping the dad gets incurable cancer in the 2018. Oh, sorry. Was that going too far? Let's ponder for a bit just how malicious the father is. Maybe I'm just a cynical older homo, but I've lived enough life to know that all old folks are not simply harmless sweet little old ladies and sitcom grandpas. This father didn't just sit out the vote. He actively voted against his own son. What a POS. And what if the vote had gone the other way? Say for example that marriage equality lost out by a razor-thin margin. If that was the case, me thinks that Lee's letter, the letter that's making so many commenters so damn weepy, would have a different tone. Given what the father did, does anyone think that he's going to come around after all this time? Please. The father is a dick. And just as we've been saying about 71 year old Donald, this old man isn't going to change. My advice for Lee is to go to the bar and find himself a real Daddy.

@14

As our republican trash heaps have occasionally (but not always) proven, sometimes having a LGBTQ child can open eyes. I think everyone here recognizes that there is a chance - sadly - that Lee’s efforts are for naught.

But if the man can be reached, Lee’s letter - holding the door wide to let his father stumble toward redemption - will do it. We forgive our children for missteps as they learn to walk. And by doing so, they walk. Lee is giving his father the same chance. It is a beautiful and compassionate letter. It also makes clear to Lee that he will not give up his own integrity.

lee and dan, it would be awesome to see a follow up to lee's amazing letter. if there is any justice in the world, it will be speedy, happy news of a reconciliation, and i hope that for lee with all my heart! but i would also be happy to be hear his news after his 34th birthday when he will know for sure either way. thanks!

Lee, you write that emotional conversations are not a strong suit of yours but you certainly convey your emotions very powerfully through writing. This is a beautifully heartfelt letter. I created an account just to be able to write this post - I sincerely hope by your next birthday that you and your dad have the relationship you hope for. And if not, please know that this internet stranger believes you deserve happiness and love and support and I wish you the very best.

This letter Lee, sort of broke my heart. I've just been back to read it a second time, and couldn't. It is so obvious how pained you are by your father's vote.

I can't speak for your dad of course, you've got to see though, that the No campaign was low and dirty. Every fear under the sun thrown out, primary school girls being shown how to use dildos type accusations.
It has been an ugly, ugly time for our country. And the queer community and their allies, stood up to their crap, yet avoided getting in the gutter with them.
Now, it's different. The Yes vote won, and it's good you've given your dad time, because it will take time to debunk the bull for a lot of people.
Beautiful letter Lee, it's obvious you love your dad.

Fuck all that: I want to know the tale of Mike and Maureen!!

JK, of course. Lee, good luck, and please let us know how it goes.

His Dad could cement the permanent unwaivering love of his Son by calling him tomorrow and wishing him Happy Early Birthday. Fingers crossed.

That was a great letter, but I want to highlight two especially good points:

1. "Unlike a disagreement about tax legislation or the merits of day light savings time, this is about you accepting a fundamental, immutable part of who am. It can’t be a case of 'agree to disagree'."

This is an important distinction that a lot of people miss. There are politics that you can disagree on, but if you disagree with someone having fundamental human rights, you can't expect people to think of that as a harmless difference of opinion.

2. The bit where he says his Dad has to be nice to any partner he has unless "we have another Maureen/Mike situation on our hands." It's just so typically 'family' to be like "except situations like That Incident With The Gravy Boat at Thanksgiving 2008."

Lee, if you read this, please tell us what happens. Write back to Dan! Best of luck with your Dad. They DO come around.

My uber Catholic parents took a few years and then my man of few words father gave the most gracious, accepting and loving toast at my wedding. He made me cry at my own reception! I have such a better relationship with him now, particularly since Mom just died very recently. It makes you realize what's truly important.

I feel Lee should just accept a 'half-relationship' with his father. What if this is the most that's on offer? Will he find himself regretting not being in contact with his father at all as his father gets much older? He might be asking his father to give up everything he has ever believed in. It’s too much to ask.

From the other point of view, I can see no reason why his father shouldn't rush to appear in costume on the first float in Pride.

I too am curiously invested in the Mike/Maureen Situation.

Here here Dan, bravo!!!

In this dumpster fire that is our global political environment. We all need to find ways to love and celebrate one another! I think this letter and it being published is an excellent example of how to do just that.

@23: According to the LW, Dad isn't religious, and has been divorced and is re-partnered, so most of the typical objections we see aren't in play here. He's not asking Dad to hang 'Priscilla Queen of the Desert' posters in the house, but he is asking Dad to have some movement on the issue. To engage in discussions. To not object if LW brings a sweetheart around, and they hold hands. Dad's gotta try a little.

@26. clashfan. Yes, of course his father should try, out of love for his son. One has to think that people previously antagonistic to homosexuality, full of hate towards it, in fact, can come to reevauate who 'us' is and who 'them' when a close family member comes out.

I also think that 'we' (I'm writing as a gay man / nonbinary) need to try to get inside the psychology of the people who flinch from homosexuality. Sure, there's a part that's unreconstructed disgust--but the issue, surely, is much more that they're aware of 'us'--queers, feminists, liberals, the college-educated, urbanites, metropolitan sophisticates--dominating 'them'. Us getting richer, doing well, and them doing worse--losing local jobs, and all the while our looking down at 'them' for it. When 'they' vote against gay rights, it's a desperate expression of a downtrodden cultural identity--and it seems to be foolish not to expect this 'last stand' of the losing side's pride, however malignantly it's stoked by political interests.

In my observation, it's relatively rare for older bigots to come round to a gay son in their hearts--rather than accept him in a limited way, because the son has become the stronger (controls access to grandchildren, financial resources, healthcare, the goodwill of other family members etc.). This kind of grudging half-acceptance might be all Lee's going to get.

But let's hope for better.

Yes Harriet, let's ask for better. I'm with you on the other though. My heart broke first when my much loved father died when I was fifteen.. then I had to deal with my mother. It's been hard to keep loving her and now, at ninety six she discloses some difficult secrets.
It's been a half relationship for all these yrs. Now, I ring her each night at her new abode, the expensive retirement home for those who didn't reflect well, when they had the time.
I'm glad I've hung in there. She's not perfect, she still gave me life. As Lee's dad gave him life.

@28. Lava. My father, who thought homosexuality--or, more particularly, taking it up the ass--was disgusting, died when I was in my mid-twenties. I had to accept an awkwardly managed half-relationship while he was dying. Stroppily, I had stuck out for something better before; but this came over as nothing but a clashing of young male and old male horns; and my repudiation of everything he offered--a home, money--was self-damaging and did no one any good. Many of the vile things he said about queers at the end of his life were attributable to his anger at being struck off by a debilitating disease, with good days and bad days, while he was still strong, at the top of his game professionally, His moments of concession were ambiguous, too. They were loving but never without homophobia.

This would feed my own sense that homophobic older people never quite come round in the way we want. Either they hold the whip hand over us or we over them. (The D/s metaphor isn't appropriate here).

I'm sorry for the loss you suffered when you were young.

Thanks Harriet. Yes, grief at a young age sears the soul. Good you saw your dad to the end, allowed him his rage at the dying of the light.
My children have cut ties with their dad, which saddens me. I understand it, because he's such a narcissist, and has lost their love completely.

*giggle* Oh, I just adore when some numbnut creates sock puppet accounts just to thump himself on the back for some 'pithy' throwaway comment a week after everyone else has had their say. It's so precious.