Bigger is always better, right?

Slog PM: UW Husky Band Pays it Forward, Who Injected Jack Chapman's Genitals With the Silicone That Killed Him?

I know this is not the UW marching band. I went to UW. I know. Anyway.
I know this is not the UW marching band. I went to UW. I know. Anyway. Thinkstock/Getty Images

Remember that Noodles and Beef story? You know, the one about the kinkster who injected silicone into his testicles? He died because of those injections. The Stranger has unearthed new information, including private messages, that may implicate the kinkster's master—Dylan Hafertepen aka Noodles and Beef. It’s nutty. Pun, uh, not intended.

UW marching band is paying it forward: It’s like that Haley Joel Osment movie except (spoiler alert) no one dies at the end. The UW band was taken care of by residents of George, Washington after their bus crashed on the way to the Apple Cup. People brought them Thanksgiving dinners while they took refuge in George Elementary School. The UW Husky Marching Band community has sent 70 boxes of school supplies to George Elementary School as a thank you.

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Ode to Dan Dan Noodles

I love these hand-shaved noodles, especially with a side of pickled cucumbers.
Seven Stars Pepper makes my favorite hand-shaved noodles. JESSICA STEIN

Dan dan noodles are traditionally considered a street food in China, but I'd eat this Szechuan dish anywhere—here, there, in a box, with a fox, etc.

Normally, cooks pile the noodles on top of a spicy chili oil sauce laced with mouth-numbing Szechuan peppercorn oil (we'll talk about the numbing in a second) and/or a peanut or sesame sauce. Minced pork, some kind of green from the mustard family, and scallions also make an appearance. And that's it. Other Seattleites typically reach for pho if they want a big warm bowl of something, but when I require comestible comfort and nutrition, I seek the dan dan.

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NewsSports

The Mariners Signed Their New Lease; The Fight Is Over, Let Me Rest

Replace the Safeco with TBD.
Replace the "Safeco" with "TBD." OTTO GREULE JR / GETTY

Well, it's officially the denouement of the Mariners and their lease battle. The woebegone baseball team is officially staying in Seattle for at least 25 more years. Wahoo.

With just over three weeks to go before their current lease expires, the Mariners officially signed a 25-year lease renewal with the Public Facilities District (PFD) to stay at The Ballpark Formerly Known as Safeco Field. This whole thing has been a months-long ordeal. It started when the Mariners stated the terms for the renewal: They would only sign on if King County provided them $185 million for maintenance fees.

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Avocados Are a Vital Part of an Amazon Employee's Diet


Before e-commerce giant Amazon awarded Long Island City the H2Q½ prize (initially H2Q), it asked New York City to provide information about specific goods sold at a Whole Foods grocery in that rapidly gentrifying part of Queens. Amazon wanted to know the costs of an avocado, a loaf of whole wheat bread, and a gallon of 2 percent milk. One gathers that the human and resources experts at Amazon perceived these items as crucial to the Amazonian diet. This is what you feed them. They cannot live without avocado toast and coffee. Many even consider this diet to be a millennial vice. Forget student debt, forget skyrocketing home values—it is an addiction to avocado toast that is bringing a whole segment of a generation down. Amazon appears to be on the same page with this way of reading millennials. The experts are paying attention.

And so, information about these items will offer the corporation an idea of how a community might impact the lives of their young employees. If cheap, count it as a positive impact on an Amazonian's quality of life. If expensive, count it as a negative impact, which, in turn, might negatively impact job performance. (Other finalists the competition, such as Somerville, Massachusetts, were also asked about the cost of their avocados in Whole Foods.) And, yes, Amazon owns Whole Foods.

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127 Stranger (Than Usual) Things To Do in Seattle This Week: Dec 11-16, 2018

A sea of red-suited jingle janglers will flood various downtown watering holes for SantaCon this Saturday. You have been warned.
A sea of red-suited jingle janglers will flood various downtown watering holes for SantaCon this Saturday. You have been warned. Joshua Lewis

Our arts critics have already recommended 78 great things to do this week and our music critics have picked the 43 best music shows, but there are still hundreds more events happening. To prevent some of the quirkier and more extraordinary ones from slipping through the cracks, we've compiled them here—from Dumb Gay Politics Live! to the Yuletide haunted house Krampus Nacht, and from a Tea Shop Yule Ball to Socially Inept: A Comedy Roast. For even more options this week, check out our complete Things To Do calendar.

Stay in the know! Get all this and more on the free Stranger Things To Do mobile app (available for iOS and Android), or delivered to your inbox.

TUESDAY

FILM
1. Meaningful Movies: Faces Places
In director Agnès Varda's documentary, she joins forces with photographer and muralist JR, making use of his portable darkroom. The two journey through rural France together, capturing the people they meet through large-scale photo projects (and forming an unlikely friendship).

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Half of Washington State Schools Receive Poor Ratings on Free Speech

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killis/Getty

The Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE), an organization that advocates for free speech and intellectual freedom on college campuses, released their annual report on the state of free speech on U.S. campuses, and half of Washington state schools received a "red light" rating.

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New Savage Lovecast: Welcome to the Real Doll Brothel

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Welcome to the Real Doll Brothel! Sex doll & robot brothels are starting to pop up in Canada. Is this gonna be ok? Dr. James Cantor, the Director of the Toronto Sexuality Center, is on to discuss the implications of this new phenomenon. Also, how to talk to your racist relatives about the Black Lives Matter movement.

A snippet:

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BooksCeleb

Rejoice: Michelle Obama Is Coming!

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Rejoice and behold! I bring you good tidings of great joy: MICHELLE OBAMA IS COMING TO TACOMA!

As you know, the former first lady is currently on her book tour to promote her autobiography Becoming, and she has just added a local stop to her itinerary. She'll be appearing at the Tacoma Dome on Friday, February 8, for an "intimate conversation" (at the Tacoma Dome? Okay, fine, if anybody can accomplish that, it's her) and you need to register to get pre-sale tickets—and you absolutely should because IT IS GONNA SELL THE EFF OUT PRONTO.

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Religious Students Try to Ban Porn Under the Guise of Concern for Women

The good boys of Notre Dame have a lot of feelings about pornograpy.
The good boys of Notre Dame have a lot of feelings about pornography. Getty Images

A strange headline from CNN caught my eye over the weekend: "College Men Try to Ban Porn from Campus Wifi," it read, "Saying Pornography is Prostitution."

I clicked, expecting this to be a story about overzealous male feminists at, say, Bard. But no, the story was about Notre Dame, a private Catholic school where 80 college men signed a letter to the school paper advocating for a ban on online pornography back in October.

"As the men of Notre Dame, we request that the University implement a filter to make pornography inaccessible on the Notre Dame Wi-Fi networks," the letter read. "This filter would send the unequivocal message that pornography is an affront to human rights and catastrophic to individuals and relationships. We are calling for this action in order to stand up for the dignity of all people, especially women."

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Inbox Jukebox Track of the Day: A Cover of Bobbie Gentry's Solemnly Gorgeous Ballad "Big Boss Man" by Mercury Rev and Hope Sandoval

Country-soul goddess Bobbie Gentry gets worshipped properly.
Country-soul goddess Bobbie Gentry gets worshipped properly. Partisan Records

Mercury Rev with Hope Sandoval, "Big Boss Man" (Partisan/Bella Union)

Americana-leaning space-rockers Mercury Rev had the excellent idea to cover in its entirety The Delta Sweete, the 1968 classic LP by country-pop legend Bobbie Gentry. On top of the eight-CD box set of Gentry's work, Girl from Chickasaw County: The Complete Capitol Masters, this reverent homage by the upstate New York band constitutes a welcome campaign to thrust the singer-songwriter's emotionally resonant and sonically rich catalog back into modern music fans' consciousness. And by doing this, Mercury Rev explicitly acknowledge the influence that The Delta Sweete had on their 1998 breakthrough album, Deserter's Songs.

For The Delta Sweete Revisited (out February 8, 2019), Mercury Rev enlisted several women singers to interpret Gentry's lushly orchestral yet swampy country-soul tunes about her troubled upbringing in the Mississippi Delta. [See the tracklist below for details.] For "Big Boss Man," the Rev tapped Hope Sandoval (Mazzy Star, Hope Sandoval & the Warm Inventions) to croon this anti-authority ballad (originally done by Jimmy Reed). Mercury Rev shroud Sandoval's smokily languid vocals in spare yet luxurious slide guitar, keyboards, and shakers, casting an enchanting spell to which, one assumes, even the reclusive Gentry would smile in approval.

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Have the Threesome

Originally published on May 17, 2010.

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I've been reading your column for years, and consider you my go-to source for how to run a strong and mutually satisfying relationship. I've been dating a younger woman (I'm 37; she's 25) for a few months. In many ways, the relationship is great: good sex, good conversations, similar energy levels, and more. However, I'm intensely uneasy about a recent development: she asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome the other day. I was taken aback, because I've been very clear from the beginning that being monogamous was a make-or-break issue from me. I am not interested in anyone else, and will not date someone who screws around on me.
In the spirit of being GGG, I did a lot of soul searching and decided I could be open to another woman in the bed, but definitely not another man. I know it's a double standard, but I'm not budging here. I also feel odd, because shouldn't I be excited that my girlfriend wants threesomes with other women? I'm not, though. I'm worried about both of our reactions to the reality of a threesome. It seems like there are lots of ways things could implode, and I'm very leery of gambling what I see as a potentially long-term relationship on this. I also don't see myself in a lifestyle that regularly engages in group sex, and am adamantly opposed to swinging. What I'm hoping is that this is an experimentation phase on her part, and I'm willing (albeit with unease) to give it a go if it means keeping her happy.

My questions are: Is there a glaringly obvious flaw in my thought process? I think part of the issue is that we may have different long-term goals, or at least different abilities in articulating and understanding what we want out of life (age has its strengths here). Am I over thinking the whole thing, and should I just STFU and enjoy it? I'm really struggling with this and wondering if I am normal and justified in feeling threatened.

No Clever Name

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Jay Inslee Is Already Running for President

Inslee is already running for president, but hes thinking hard about when to tell you that.
Inslee is already running for president, but he's thinking hard about when to tell you that. David Ryder/Getty Images

What's the difference between Gov. Jay Inslee giving “some thought” and “actively considering” running for president?

It's a trick question because they both mean the same thing: Inslee is running for president.

In the last month he has gone from giving “some thought” to “actively considering” running for president but he wants to make it clear that he is “not yet an active candidate,” as he told The Hill last week. (Just ignore his budget-breaking travel, $112,000 in his presidential PAC, or meeting with billionaire political financiers.)

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Disturbing New Evidence Emerges in the Death of a Kinkster

A private chat log obtained by The Stranger suggests that Dylan Hafertepen may have injected others with silicone.
A private chat log obtained by The Stranger suggests that Dylan Hafertepen may have injected others with silicone. LEVI HASTINGS

One of the enduring mysteries surrounding the death of Seattle kinkster Jack Chapman (aka Tank Hafertepen) is who injected his genitals with the silicone that killed him.

Dylan Hafertepen, Jack's surviving "master," has denied involvement (even though, according to a contract Jack shared online, Master Dylan controlled every aspect of his life). Dylan told Buzzfeed recently: "I did not make him inject silicone" and "This was his fetish." On Australian TV, Jack's mother, Linda, wanted to know who had injected her son with silicone, and Dylan said: "I have never done that for him. I forbid him from doing silicone."

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The Best Readings & Talks in Seattle: Winter 2018/2019

Dont miss Mattilda Bernstein Sycamores talk about Sketchtasy, a novel featuring a radical queer character dealing with profound loss, on February 21 at Elliott Bay.
Don't miss Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore's talk about Sketchtasy, a novel featuring a radical queer character dealing with profound loss, on February 21 at Elliott Bay. Jesse Mann

Below, we've compiled all of our critics' picks for the season's literary events, including novelist Zadie Smith, journalist Dan Rather, and contemporary poet Solmaz Sharif. You can also find a complete list of readings & talks in Seattle this winter on our Things To Do calendar, or check out the rest of our critics' picks from Seattle Art and Performance.

Stay in the know! Get all this and more on the free Stranger Things To Do mobile app (available for iOS and Android), or delivered to your inbox.

DECEMBER 11

Ashley Nellis and Steve Herbert with Katherine Beckett: The Case Against Life Sentences
Only a handful of countries on this planet regularly issue life sentences for criminal convictions, and the U.S. is one of them, with over 200,000 people currently serving out the remainder of their life in prison. But does this sentence have any effect on crime rates? Does it reform offenders or deter any criminal acts at all? Ashley Nellis of the Sentencing Project argues that any prison term over 20 years cannot be morally or pragmatically justified, and she will be discussing her new book, The Meaning of Life: The Case for Abolishing Life Sentences—as well as criminal justice in the U.S.—with UW professors Katherine Beckett and Steve Herbert at this Town Hall event. KATIE HERZOG

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NewsCity

Christopher Rufo Officially Ends His Campaign for City Council

Rufo says hes excited to be back at work on a documentary for PBS about three lost American cities.
This is the last time I get to use this photo for Rufo. AGNIESZKA MARCINSKA / EYEEM / GETTY IMAGES

Christopher Rufo's out. For real this time.

Rufo, who suspended his city council campaign in Seattle's 6th District after upwards of 20 people yelled at him online back in November, announced his full withdrawal in a Facebook post on Monday afternoon.

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